The drama in my head.
It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to sleep.
It’s hard to write about it because if I say certain things someone is going to figure it out, but I need to write it because having all of this in my head right now is just not working for me.
So there’s brothers. I’ll call them G and M.
The dreams started with G harassing me for no apparent reason. It was just flat out weird since I don’t even know the guy. But, in a way it kind of made sense. I mean this guy just has a very intimidating appearance. He looks like the type if you make angry, he’s not going to hide it. I had no idea what he was mad about and to this day I still don’t understand.
Then because of some family issues, my dad sent me to this church. And of course it happens to be the church that G goes to, along with his little mafia of friends. So.. They start to harass me. And I go to school with all of these people so it makes my life even harder.
After a few more harassment dreams and what seems like a war between my friends and his, G approaches me. He tells me that he only puts up a front at church because everyone else is territorial. But, he knows that I know M so he’ll try his best to get everyone else off my back.
But it wasn’t that easy. Even after his warning (I guess he’s like pack leader or something) everyone continues to harass me. So to keep everyone off my back, he starts to hang out with me bringing his brother along. Not long after, it seems like everyone got tired of me and found someone else to pick on. But, G doesn’t want to stop hanging out.
Since my friends don’t really like him and don’t want me hanging out for no reason, we kind of had to sneak around. Sometimes we would ditch class just to hang out and have a cup of coffee. We would usually sit in this particular spot that all my friends know about but, we knew everyone would be in class so it would be a safe place to hide.
Until one day one of my friends, I’ll call her P, had a cancelled class and decided to go to our usual spot and wait for everyone else. When she got there, she found me and G talking and sitting close to each other. Not something she was used to or even could consider. She was beyond pissed. She came in yelling and screaming and just threw a fit. We were standing in the hallway and I was trying to find the words to explain to her what was going on when M came up and said “Thanks for keeping my brother company… Sorry I got you in trouble.” Then went in, got his brother, and left.
Then starts the cheating. While I’m still trying to see G behind P’s back, M is helping me out. He finds place for me and his brother to meet. Keeps an eye out for P or anyone else we know. But while I’m seeing G, I start developing feelings for M. One of my most vivid dreams of me and M is when we’re walking down one of the main roads on campus and we’re holding hands and I can’t help but smile. Then I realize the time and that I’m supposed to be meeting G any minute. And even though he knows I’m about to see his brother, M doesn’t mind. We’re happy together. And to me being with him just feels right.
After a few more sneaking around dreams, things start to get ridiculous. Around this time I was sick, and that kind of worked itself into my dream. So, I’m at home, sick and G calls saying that he wants to come over and keep me company but he has work so he’s sending his brother instead. M shows up with my favorite soup and some movies. We cuddle on the couch watch movies, and I attempt to paint my nails. For some reason, M is intrigued. I HATE people touching my feet, but after what seemed like a lifetime of begging, I let him paint my toes. He looked so cute while he was concentrating and was even proud when he finished. Doing this with him made me fall for him even more. But, question what I was supposed to do with G.
Then summer comes. M decides to join the military out of the blue. Although I’m beyond sad he’s gone, I feel less stressed over the sneaking around. But being with just G, I feel different around him and I need a break. So, I decide to go to the east coast for the summer. I originally planned to stay in Virginia with family, but NY guy found out I was nearby and convinced me to stay with him for a little bit… After some craziness with him, I returned home and somehow G found out that I wasn’t in Virginia and was PISSED. He broke up with me before I could tell him that I applied and was accepted to go teach in Korea. So, I picked up and left without saying a word to him.
So I’m in Korea enjoying life. It’s almost stress free since there’s no hiding or sneaking around. I must have been there for a few months when I hear from M and find out that he’s actually stationed near by and has some time off. Since he doesn’t really know anyone yet, I offer to let him stay at my place. We hang out, go site seeing, and just have a good time.. But, things go further than I expected and it’s like we’re back home but this time without the worry of getting caught by his brother. We spend all our spare time together. One of my dreams turns out to be like a sappy love movie where we do all the couple-y things with a soundtrack to all my favorite loves songs. Lol.
Then comes the downfall.. So me and M are together, enjoying a night in. We’ve ordered a pizza, we have a movie playing and it’s raining. Our favorite kind of weather. The door bell rings and M jumps up to answer the door. When he opens it, he’s silent. I ask him what’s taking so long and get up to see G standing in the doorway. We stand there all staring at each other for what seemed like a lifetime. M tells G to come in and when he does, he just drops to the floor. He looks at me and all he says is “How long?” as if he knew we had been seeing each other a lot longer than the past months since I’ve been in Korea. He looks up at M, stands up, grabs his arm, and bolts out the door.
Then I had my latest dream. G comes back but M is nowhere in sight. He tells me that M told him that we were just friends and I gave him a place to escape when he had time off. So, I went with it. G decides to stay with me instead of going to his hotel. Probably to assure himself that nothing is happening to between me and his brother. We do the regular tourist sites, and just enjoy each other’s company. G must have been there for a while because, M has another holiday and we decide to spend it together.
We’re all walking along the Han River. We sit down to enjoy some beer and G is being extra flirty. And from the corner of my eye I can see M getting upset. It got to the point where he stands up and storms off. By the time G notices he’s gone, I’m already worried. He looks at me and says “WTF is wrong with him?” and before I know it, I’m crying and confessing that I’ve been seeing M a lot longer than he thinks and that I have feelings for both of them, but my feelings for M have grown to so much more than I had imagined. And that I don’t want to hurt him but I really really don’t want to hurt his brother either. G replies that he had a feeling about it all along, but that he hope that I would just choose him but it looks like he lost the chance. Then he kissed me on the forehead and told me to go get him. He told me he loved me then walked away.
So I went running after M, searching everywhere. I stopped trying and ended up at our favorite park. I sat on the swings and started crying. I felt like I had lost some of the most important people in my life. And just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it started raining. I sat there for forever and just when I was about to leave, it suddenly stopped raining. When I looked up, I saw M holding an umbrella over me and smirking. All he could say was “What’s with all the tears?”. I stood up and glared, but couldn’t help but hug him. I tell him that it’s completely over between me and G and that I was sorry. Then he tells me “Good. Now you’re only mine.”
Well, that’s the end of my dreams. How this plays into my real life makes things more complicated. But, that’s stuff I can’t mention.. So yeah.
I feel like my head has cleared up a bit, but I’m scared of what I dream up next…